Insecurities
by livezinshadowz
Summary: Ash didn't realize that accepting the position of Frontier Brain meant he'd have to deal with trying to impress a crowd of people. Luckily, Anabel's around to bolster his confidence. One-shot, Abilityshipping


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Pokémon.

Ash Ketchum was nervous.

Considering everything the 20-year-old had experienced throughout his life without feeling all that much anxiety, it was an impressive feat. On his list of achievements was saving the world on multiple occasions (a heavy task just once, let alone the number of times he'd had to); facing down Gym Leader after Gym Leader, tournament after tournament, _ad nauseum_; and rescuing his friends and Pokémon from constant kidnappings and criminal organizations. Needless to say, Ash was used to stress. Even knowing the repercussions of what would happen if he failed to come through in the end, he had never really allowed the tension of any situation to set in. Everything always seemed to come down to a Pokémon battle, to him putting his faith in his friends' abilities and his own quick judgments in order to make it through the day. Somehow, thinking of all those situations in such basic terms allowed for the pressure to be split, shared amongst those whom he interacted with all the time.

Now, a situation had been presented where all the duty was solely upon his head. Knowing that responsibility was going to lie upon his shoulders from now until…_the end_, he supposed dramatically…was rather daunting. It didn't help that the Battle Frontier was making a big deal out of the occasion and throwing a big hoopla to commemorate it.

So what was the event? Well, Palace Maven Spenser was retiring, and Ash was taking over as the new Frontier Brain of the Battle Palace.

Even though Scott – the owner of the Battle Frontier – had extended an offer to Ash to become a Frontier Brain years ago upon the raven-haired boy's victory over Pyramid King Brandon, only a series of coincidences had led to his agreement to take the newly-open position. Now, looking at all the people milling around the large ballroom of the Battle Dome, the young adult was almost starting to regret his decision.

Ash moved away from the food table with a small plate of appetizers¸ Pikachu perched upon his shoulder. At least 50 people inhabited the room, men and women in crisp formal-wear outnumbering the more noticeable visages of the Frontier Brains, all in their usual attire and most accompanied by a Pokémon companion. The trainer himself was donned in clean blue jeans and a blue vest worn over a black shirt; his messy black hair was left unadorned by his usual cap, and his hands were bare of gloves. He almost felt naked without the accessories, but he would make a better impression by losing the cap and gloves that had trademarked his childhood.

Lost in thought and attempting to calm his nerves, Ash was too distracted to notice the body he was about to run into. He collided with the figure, both parties emitting a grunted _'oof'_. Focusing on the person in front of him, he took in the loose blue pants and the white and pale lavender long-sleeved shirt decorated with gold trim, before trailing up to the lilac-colored eyes and hair; next to the figure stood an Espeon. "Hello Ash," she greeted.

"Oh, hey Anabel," he returned distractedly.

Anabel seemed to pick up on Ash's strange mood. "You okay? This a rather festive occasion, all in your honor. And Spenser's," she added as an afterthought. "The suits aren't making you nervous, are they?" she teased.

Ash was silent for a moment before asking, "Why _are_ they here?"

The Salon Maiden cocked her head slightly to the side. "Hm? Well, they're the backers for the entire Battle Frontier. They funded the construction of each of the battle facilities here in Kanto after Scott pitched the idea for the Frontier to them. Once the success here in Kanto was assured – and trust me, _that_ took a fair bit of time – they helped spread the idea of the Battle Frontier to Sinnoh. Without them, the Battle Frontier wouldn't be anything more than an idea Scott came up with. Plus, they own a lot of the stock in the facilities and the Frontier itself, so you could say they have a vested interest in what goes on within their 'company'."

"That's…not exactly comforting."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about them. The Frontier is such a big hype nowadays that it'll be around for awhile yet. Besides," she lowered her voice, as if preparing to divulge a huge secret, "if you ask me, it's us Brains who have the biggest job now. We have to make sure we keep winning battles to bring in more competitors. Not to mention all of the upkeep for each of the facilities. It's a pretty big responsibility."

That wasn't quite the reassurance Ash was looking for. It must have shown on his face, for Anabel then asked, "Aren't you looking forward to being a Frontier Brain?"

"Well, yeah," he responded slowly, "but…I just don't know if I'm ready for all that responsibility."

"Scott told me that before you took the Battle Frontier challenge you wanted to be a Pokémon Master," the Salon Maiden said. "And then, when he offered you the position of a Brain after beating Brandon, you declined because you wanted to see the world still, to pursue that dream. What about the responsibilities which come with being a Master? And why did you decide to come to the Battle Frontier now, without achieving that goal?"

Ash was caught somewhat flat-footed. What was he supposed to tell Anabel? That in his youthful naivety, he hadn't really considered the types of responsibilities a Pokémon Master would have? That after completing the Battle Frontier, he had gone on to roam both Sinnoh and Unova, placing high in both League competitions but ultimately failing to become a Master? That he had begun to feel like a failure, and when Scott had called to reoffer him the position of Frontier Brain because Spenser was retiring, he had jumped at the opportunity so he could feel like he had accomplished something?

Apparently he didn't need to; Anabel could read the answers in his facial expressions. She placed a comforting hand upon his arm. "You know Ash, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your matches in Sinnoh and Unova were really impressive. You even defeated a couple of Legendary Pokémon in the Sinnoh League! I don't know if anyone here, except maybe Brandon, could say the same thing."

Again, Ash was flabbergasted. "How did –"

"I know about your battles?" Anabel finished with a smile. "I watched them, of course. I like to keep track of people I…" she paused, considering her next words carefully, "who interest me."

They fell into silence as Ash thought about everything he had been through. It was true that he had felt some shame at having lost in both Sinnoh and Unova (despite how far he had gotten), especially in light of his then-recent victory in the Battle Frontier. Despite venturing around the world, visiting new regions in an attempt to achieve his dream, and meeting new friends even as he had to say goodbye to old ones, the sting of defeat was a bitter and heavy burden. Not that Ash could begrudge the people he lost to (they were good, strong trainers, and deserved their victories just as much as Ash did against all the Gym Leaders, Orange League members, and Frontier Brains he had defeated), but somehow the losses had compounded until his dream of becoming a Pokémon Master seemed just that: a dream.

Ash was good at battling, of that there was little doubt. But with no more new leagues cropping up, and his friends all off chasing their own dreams – Misty running the Cerulean City Gym as a Water Pokémon trainer; Brock training to be a Pokémon doctor; Dawn and May competing as Coordinators; and so on – the idea of wandering the world without human companionship and having nothing to show for it was an unappealing one.

So when the opportunity to become someone of standing had arisen, Ash had accepted it without much thought for what the position entailed. Battling was battling, after all, even if the format and rules were slightly different. The position had offered him the chance to work on a new dream, something he could excel at in the same way his friends were accomplishing their own goals.

But now, looking around the crowded ballroom, Ash was getting a grasp of just how big a deal his promotion was. Even worse, he had no friends cheering him on from the sidelines, shouting words of encouragement and offering their support. He was feeling unusually isolated and alone, traits the raven-haired trainer didn't particularly like.

Becoming a Frontier Brain was a new adventure, but the fact of the matter was that Ash was apprehensive about beginning it, especially by himself.

A polite smattering of applause broke Ash from his reverie. Spenser – a dark-skinned, bald man with a long white beard – was walking off the stage with help from his staff. Scott, wearing a suit instead of his usual exotic shirt (though still with his sunglasses donned) met him partway and shook his hand. The portly man took the stage and announced in a grandiose manner, "Well said, Spenser. Your presence will be sorely missed indeed. But we're not here to ruminate on the past. Let's look to the future and hear from our new Palace Maven, Ash Ketchum!" Another set of polite accolades broke out.

Anabel's hand slipped into Ash's own and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Good luck," she whispered.

Ash moved through the throng of people towards the stage, his stomach doing flips. Public speaking was a hobby Ash was not overly fond of (spouts of justice to evil-doers notwithstanding). He stood behind the stage's podium and cleared his throat. "Uh, hello everyone. My name is Ash Ketchum…but I guess you already know that. Ah…I'm not very good at speeches…but you can probably see that, too." This was _hard_. And the way everyone was just _staring_ at him, in their fancy clothes and with eyes that were clearly unimpressed…it was nerve-wracking! Clearly he wasn't making the best first impression.

Brown eyes wandered over the crowd, falling upon the forms of Spenser and Scott, the latter of whom gave him a thumbs-up, as if to say 'You can do it!' Spenser offered him a kind smile. Looking at the two, Ash was reminded of his time traveling through the Battle Frontier, meeting each of the Brains and his interaction with each one. Of Scott, and how he had guided Ash into and through the Frontier Challenge, and of Spenser, who had healed Pikachu when the Electric-type had been lost in the woods, and protected him and Sceptile when a hive of Beedrill had attacked them.

Brown eyes continued to rove the crowd before him, seeking out the easy-to-spot Frontier Brains. He spied Greta near the front of the stage in her usual black gi, her Medicham by her side, and remembered making a promise to 'keep the fire burning', and how he had kept a cool head under a stressful situation.

Next to the food table was Noland and his Breloom, who had assured him that he couldn't lose if he kept up the battling skills he had displayed at the Battle Factory.

Surrounded by a group of suits was Tucker – in his overly flamboyant garb and with a hand on Arcanine's head – who had forced Ash to think with his head and strategize rather than rely on brute force.

Towards the back, away from the general hubbub, was Lucy, Seviper coiled around her feet, who had demonstrated the importance of friendship despite being a woman of few words.

Brandon could be seen standing next to an ancient urn, accompanied by no Pokémon, the exact persona of a man confident in his own abilities and status. He had been Ash's greatest challenge, a hurdle which had stomped on Ash's arrogance and reaffirmed the idea that a Pokémon and its trainer would become one through battling.

And there was Anabel, right where he had left her with her Espeon, who had taught him how to bring out the full potential of his Pokémon and tried to tutor him on being able to sense his Pokémon's feelings. She, out of all the others, had been the most fun to be around, had brought him back to the time when he had traveled around Kanto and Johto with Misty and Brock by his side, carefree and without a care in the world. Being around Anabel had been refreshing.

Looking around at all of his contemporaries, all of his past victories, Ash felt some of his old confidence return. He felt the words to a speech come together as he became more self-assured in his abilities. "I took the Frontier Challenge years ago, when I was little more than a young, brash trainer. Back then, I thought I could take on anyone who crossed my path, and every victory just reinforced that belief.

"But I don't think I could've won in the Battle Frontier if it wasn't for each of my opponents teaching me something along the way. The Frontier Brains are some of the best trainers around, and I can only hope that I match up to the high standards they have already established. Spenser was an excellent Palace Maven, and his shoes will be difficult ones to fill, but I can promise you that I will try my best to do so, just as I've strived to do my entire life. To Spenser," he toasted, raising a glass already on the podium.

"To Spenser," echoed the crowd.

From his periphery, Ash caught Spenser offer him an appreciative nod of his head, silently acknowledging his capability to carry on the title of Palace Maven. But the new Frontier Brain's attention was only on Anabel.

The lilac-haired woman was smiling reassuringly at him, politely applauding his speech. He stepped off the stage and moved to her as Scott replaced him and began to talk. "You seem to have a knack for coming through in the end," Anabel commented lightly.

Ash rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. "Well, what can I say? It's just one of my many talents."

"Right up there with public speaking, right?" she teased.

He laughed nervously. "You noticed that, huh? Was it really that bad?"

"Let's just say it had a rocky start. It came together after that."

"Thanks," he said, a shy grin spreading across his lips. "Listen," he continued, a bit more seriously, "I really owe you." He held up a hand when Anabel opened her mouth to interrupt. "No, let me finish.

"I was really nervous coming here today and accepting this position. I've spent the past 10 years traveling all around the world, always with friends by my side, and the idea of being in one place permanently with no one I know nearby…it's a bit intimidating. This entire situation is completely different from anything I've done before, and I'm not entirely sure how good a Frontier Brain I'm going to be, but I think I need this opportunity to prove something to myself.

"Watching all my friends move on with their lives, achieving their own goals… I mean, it's great! But it reminds me that I'm still pretty far from completing my own dreams, or even what they are anymore. Then I saw everyone in the crowd and I remembered what it was like to battle against them, these people who carry the title of Frontier Brain and do what they love – Brandon and his ruins, Tucker and his theatrics…you and your ability to sense the feelings of Pokémon. It made me realize that I could make friends here too, and that maybe I can finally figure out what I want to do now."

Anabel waited until she was sure Ash had finished talking before taking his hands in hers. He was startled at the contact, but remained silent, watching the Salon Maiden rub her thumbs over the back of his hands soothingly. "You'll be a wonderful Palace Maven," she finally told him, "because you have the heart and spirit required to be a Frontier Brain. Your Pokémon trust you and believe in you, and so do I. And if you need any help…" she smiled up at him, lilac eyes sparkling, "well, you remember where I am, don't you?" Her gaze shifted to look somewhere behind him. "Oh, looks like Lucy is being overwhelmed by the shareholders. You'd think they would've learned by now that she doesn't like crowds." She sighed somewhat theatrically and dropped Ash's hands. "Good luck," she whispered in his ear. Then her lips touched his cheek in a reassuring kiss, and she was gone to help the renowned Pike Queen.

He watched her go with a strange mixture of shock and wonderment. Anabel seemed to be able to calm his nerves without any real effort, easing the jumbled chaos of his mind into a state of tranquility. With deliberate slowness, he lifted a hand to touch his cheek, his gaze fixed upon the lilac-haired woman who could read him so well.

Absently, Ash wondered when he would start accruing vacation days. A trip or two to the Battle Tower did not seem uncalled for in the near future.

-l-l-l-

**Author's Note:** This is a little experiment I threw together while working on my other Pokémon story (which will hopefully be updated on Monday). I like the women who actually care for Ash despite all of his ineptness, and Anabel's a pretty interesting character besides. I feel like the Gym Leaders and Frontier Brains kinda got shafted in the anime, while they're far more important in the games/manga.

I might make this a two-shot, but I haven't decided if I want to yet. Regardless, feel free to let me know what you thought of this in a review!


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